Absurdity

We've grown up now. Is it okay to allow myself to feel pain now?  Because we have grown up. We can't hide behind our age, we aren't supposed to be teenage drama queens anymore. Love always hits us in the face, as hard as it did before. We think we have learned to fall and then balance but just as you love changes, pain does too. Pain doesn't fall out of your body through your tears, it hits the walls of your skin vehemently, struggles to find an outlet. Sometimes tear glands don't work. When you see a picture of the one you love in the arms of another, when you wake up in the middle of the night to check your god forsaken phone with the hope to see their name on your display, when you smell the rain that surprised you pleasantly in the hot summer only to remind you that it feels just like last year when you were in their arms, in the same balcony. Your skin tingles outside, your organs tangle inside. And here I am standing in my bathroom, looking at the moon, listening to your favourite songs and smoking a cigarette and trying to tame the pain that's thrashing my insides by coating it with another pathetic layer of nicotine. Poetic, isn't it?