Scribblings on Slumbercloud9

We still have April Get up, clean, this isn't how it's meant to be Don't say you're sorry The lump in your throat is the lie I'm choking on so please, smile, and breathe get up and walk into the room, clean, this isn't how it's meant to be Don't say you're going to go away somewhere far the air around you is suffocating me so please, smile, and breathe get up, clean, live a little and breathe. Just  breathe. We will always have April.

Summer kisses evaporated Winter cuddles froze  I stare into the multicolored sky  and wished you could see me grow  Do you wish? Do you wish me well?  Do you think of me  now and then? Time can't be stopped  and neither can I  Screams from the mountain top are lost in the valley below Summer kisses evaporate Winter cuddles freeze is there a story for me  that's waiting to be told? 

Boy, I wouldn't mind your company  but you're not yourself around me  I see you standing in the line  but don't you see you're always on my mind? You can have your way around  if you shed that chunk of doubt  You can sweep me off the ground  if you just don't use that dirty mouth 

You and I, we made whirlpools  with our fingers  walked in and out, in circles, but the sound of our footsteps still linger The plants on your window sill  are surprisingly smiling at me today I know you know, code words are  made to be interpreted  I don't remember which side of your cheek the beauty spot is on  or the day you were born  This looks like a new start A clean slate  You're welcome to fill my heart  with new marks  The summer rain has washed away  All good and bad memories  and now it's time to swim in whirlpools  and sow some seeds in those pots. -AD

Everybody is having a good time today Look to your left, even the Sun is skinny dipping in the sea Purple daisies are singing The roses a yellow song Show a little thigh, honey Your red dress just winked at stool standing by the bar Everybody is having a good time today Look to your right, even the candy floss clouds are flirting with the wind Flash a little smile, honey Your brown eyes don't lie

He was unlike any boy she had met. She was intoxicated by the thought of him. He was fascinated by the idea of her. Neither of them had any idea of what was going on in the other's head, neither of them knew what the other person was thinking. She wanted to be his best friend. She wanted to be his sworn confidante. No, she didn't know him at all. All she knew about him was his name, his passion for music and that he was a huge John Mayer fan. She had no idea of what she was getting into or how she got in but she couldn't control the attraction she felt towards him. She knew that there was something very dangerous about him. She knew it the second she spoke to him for the first time ever... But there was just something very captivating about the eyes he kept hidden from the world; there was a mystic magic that the compelling and almost magnetic force of his gaze seemed to display and yet surreptitiously concealed behind the domains of his self-created psychosocial barriers...

D ear first love, I want to sleep on a cloud And drizzle my love on you And I want to hop on the stones and cross the river on my toes Dear somebody, I want to stretch on top of the mountain and chase an eerie butterfly Will you catch me and walk me down the valley? Will you float on a lotus leaf with me? Dear charming, I write you letters you can't read with my magical pen every now and then Seal it with some fairy dust and send it through the cherubs I've hung an invisible dream catcher above your head To keep the nightmares away Dearest first love, Will you sleep on a cloud with me, Kiss the stars goodnight and put me to sleep again? - Anahita Dawar 

I don't know if I can live through this night and I can't read The books you asked me to. - AD

I almost forgot how you make me feel. It's not a sense of belonging, it's just a correlation to my past and a contrast to my present. Like a new familIar face, like an unexplored homeland. I don't know if I want to see you ever again in my life but I also know I haven't got my closure yet. I am not what I wanted to be and every time I said goodbye, I bid you farewell with an image of myself and a vision of the kind of person I want to be like when I see you next. It's not you who bothers me, it's me. I saw you at the market yesterday after three years. You didn't look at me at first but I made sure your gaze found me. And then I looked up. I captured that smile in my head. I t's not the same.  It's not me anymore. It's nobody.  It's nothing. - Bubbles 

Whenever I sit to write things, I find myself at a loss of words. It's like I have an idea and I want it to materialise but the variety of my emotions and impulses mix together and they choke me.  But maybe I do say what I want to but it's still not quite enough; i t's like following one wing of a fan with one eye and watching it turn into a blur; it's like swimming while it rains and watching that one raindrop your gaze was following merge into the bigger body of water...it's like drowning in that pool. Something like that. - Anahita Dawar 

My translucent curtains Know all my dirty secrets They colour my vision to beige Your face is still a haze  My white lies slip through The gaps in my teeth The flow of fresh carbon dioxide Is mixed with the air of uncertainty that I breathe I light myself a cigarette  and put it to mouth Black fills up my senses And gushes into spaces of self doubt My jaded skin curtains They know my dirty little secrets They saw us kiss in the shower The vapour of your steamy lust covered the orange grids I light myself a cigarette  and put it to my mouth The white ceiling has crumbled i n this  drought... Maybe it's time to change the curtains now.

The first ray of sunshine On a confused April morning Such beauty In this chaos Keep it simple. Don't worry about that pimple or the hair on your nipple. - Anahita Dawar 

Is there something I can say That hasn't already been said? I wish the words bounced off my lips But the letters float in my head And jumble and get lost inside me And then they jump to the tip of my tongue and kiss my lips When I see your face Don't be mad at me I love you Or I will in a shot or two When the vodka drowns  memories of him out of my mind You'll be the first one who I turn to - Anahita Dawar 

Disclaimer : This monologue has nothing to do with my life.  Don't you dare "chup" me. You can call me a bitch, a whore, a fat ass, dumb headed good for nothing, fake piece of shit... Whatever you want in the world. But don't you fucking dare "chup" me. You can tell me to shut up but don't chup me. I can't explain how much I hate that word. Hate, yes. I hate that word. It's disgusting. Be thankful I've been chup. because i am really not talking because if I were, I would be saying a lot more than what I'm saying right now. Trust me, I can go on and on and never stop. Not even if you start hating me even more. Not even if your ears start bleeding and you start begging me to SHUT UP instead of ordering me to. Be thankful that I've kept my words to myself. If I had to speak my mind, you would be in tears right now. And you. And he would be in tears too. And that guy from 2011, he would be fucking suicidal right no...

There is a strange kind of beauty and grace in vulnerability in love. Explode. Breathe. Explode. I want to breathe. I want to explode. EXPLODE. EXPLODE. EXPLODE. BREATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Not happening. The ability to feel is precious. I'd rather be vulnerable and hurt, than be numb and unfeeling. - Anahita Dawar 

Every once in a while I bump into an old friend of yours. They ask me who you are now and where you're hiding. I want to tell them you're hiding from me. I don't know why. Four years, and I still don't know why. - Anahita Dawar 

It's hard to let go,  when they let you in and ask you to unwipe the tears that belonged to them but soaked into your skin.  - Anahita Dawar